New Beginnings

++Index++

WT: 225 lbs
AL: 0
CIG: 18
EX: walked 4 miles, ran stairs, crunches
ENV: cleaned inside fridge. laundry, unpack & tidy, installed AC units
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++Thoughts++

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Back in the grind after ten days of california semi-paradise. My job is just as much a circus of uselessness as it ever was, but I used the down time to take care of some business. I made appointments for my PCP, a chiropractor, my dermatologist and to have my windshield repaired. I started the day fierce and defiant, full of piss and vinegar, despite only having had maybe two sets of two hours sleep. Anxiety attacks can work for you during the day if you have stuff to do. Its the night I fear. Another night just laying there letting my thoughts roam. If only I could steer them away from the more hurty things they tend to gravitate to. I dont understand it. Its like I have heartbreak PTSD or something. Ah well, perhaps the exercise will start to sink in and my sleep will start to normalize. I wanted to take my bike into the shop tomorrow, but learned that the hotel on emmit st is givin away ALL their furniture tomorrow, first come first serve, so the bike will have to wait another day as I am rolling past that event with an empty car. I am excited to ride again save for one thing. The most logical route puts me right through the heart of Beatrice land, and I confess I am afraid to see her, especially if she is now seeing someone else. I want to see her, Im just really sacred. I have been taking the long way everywhere even in my car. Stupid, I know. But bike I must and I suppose I will just have to deal and cross that bridge when and if I come to it. I am excited that I lost ten pounds over vacation, especially with the relentless feeding my family tends to impose. Only 35 more to go! Now for some motivational musicality: